Take ordinary water and boil the hell out of it.
using the term ‘yolo’ sarcastically so often that you’re really not sure if you’re joking or not now
OH MY GOD OKAY SO I WAS AT MY FRIEND NICK’S HOUSE AND HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO HIS PARENTS AND HE SAID “mom dad i’m straight…” AND THEY LOOKED SO CONFUSED BUT THEN HE SAID “STRAIGHT UP BISEXUAAAAAALLLLL” AND LEAPED OUT OF THE ROOM I’M NOT JOKING THIS IS HIS IDEA OF COMING OUT I’M GOING TO PISS.
- Emma Stone: But people do always ask that. They ask who is my style icon, what's the one thing that I can't leave my house without. I'm always like, "My clothes!" I can pretty much leave without anything. It's fine as long as I'm not naked.
- Andrew Garfield: I don't get asked that—
- Emma Stone: You get asked interesting, poignant questions because you are a boy.
- Teen Vogue: It's sexism.
- Emma Stone: It is sexism.
if you wanna be friends with me all you gotta do is act like you’re already friends with me
call me by my name
send me porn
type like you’re having a mental breakdown
examples that prove being a fangirl works
- Ginny Weasley
- Kate Middleton
- Peeta Mellark
you know when people on tumblr act genuinely shocked when they find someone who doesn’t read gay fics i sometimes roll my eyes and ignore it but i also sometimes want to punch them them in the fucking face
you all better still be on tumblr when i’m blogging about my hip replacements and shipping my granddaughter with the nice boy who feeds all my cats
- At home: I want to go out, I want friends.
- When I go out: I want to go home, I hate people.
hi, table for two?
alright sir if you and your laptop want to follow me
you haven’t felt true anxiety until you’ve tried to tear out a page of your favorite actor from a magazine without using scissors
i had good grades at the beginning of the school year but everything changed when the fire nation attacked
HTML actually stands for
The fuck does this work
i’d just like to apologize
i don’t know for what but i mean just look at me and my blog and you’re bound to find something that i should be sorry for
am i the only one who thinks this sounds accusing
you posted this
this is your fault
- me and food: otp
- me and diet: notp
If season three of Sherlock starts up and shows John walking with his cane again I will set fire to the tv and put it out with my tears.
do you ever notice how like, we have our own language for fanfic that only readers understand?
“36k wip destiel hs au on ao3”
- me when i get home from school: did i seriously look like that all day
- fanfiction: Lily gets aboard the Hogwarts express only to be shocked to find that James Potter is Head boy to her Head girl.
- me: Well it's a bit cliché but I'll skim read this bit until it gets good...
- fanfiction: Peter Pettigrew is mysteriously absent.
- me: I suppose he might turn up in a bit...
- fanfiction: Siri or Paddy is used as a nickname for Sirius
- me: CLOSE TAB CLOSE TAB CLOSE TAB
When I was little, I used to think it was silly that they put the “external use only” label on bottles because no one would want to eat a bottle of aloe vera, but after reading fanfiction, I know who those warnings are meant for
UNTIL I READ THIS I GENUINELY STILL THOUGHT THAT THE PURPOSE OF THOSE LABELS WAS TO STOP PEOPLE EATING THE PRODUCT
lets play follow the leader except instead of following the leader just follow my blog
Shipster [ʃɪpstə(r)] s a person shipping little known/unsupported pairings. Usually spend their time on a lonesome search of artworks and fanfictions containing desired OTP; they can be distinguished by spontaneous gross sobbing, a common reaction to spotting their beloved ship.
- friend: what do you even do on tumblr?
- me: stuff
- friend: what, like reblog pics and that's it?
- me: you don't understand.
eyebrows are so weird. like why does hair only grow in those two spots? i dunno man
Only Ed Sheeran can make a song about a crack whore meaningful and enjoyable.
- my followers: oh fuck not another fandom please god no WHY
have you ever had really mean thoughts and snarky whiny remarks in your head oh my god because in my mind i’m an even bigger asshole than i let everybody think i am
i never unfollow my friends so you should start being my friend so you win an immunity pass and you are protected for life
remember that time when sirius accidentally called harry james when they were fighting the death eaters and then he died and i ate all my limbs then set myself on fire
- me: i really need to change certain aspects of my life
- me: *changes blog theme*
when i make people laugh thats like my favorite feeling id rather be really ugly and the funniest person ever to exist than pretty and boring
Sometimes you just want your OTP to be cute together.
Sometimes you just want your OTP to kiss.
Sometimes you just want your OTP to go through a hard time, but come out of it OK.
Sometimes you just want your OTP TO FUCK HARD.
walk into your friend’s house and say “what’s up with the dead guy out front?”
(you have to murder a person for this joke to work)
congratulations on reading the book before it was made into a film
you win: nothing
do you ever go to a tag and feel like killing the entire fandom
no one ever lets me give them a piggyback ride
they’re just like “i might break you”
no you foolish mortal
i have the strength of a thousand horses
please, place yourself upon my back
87% of young people have back pain. the other 13% have no computer.
to die by my computer’s side is such a heavenly way to die
if we follow each other i automatically consider you my friend so don’t be surprised if i reply to your posts like i’ve known you for ages
- age 11: worry about internet people finding me in real life
- now: worry about people in real life finding me on the internet
at what age will good things start happening to me
when you say “so many feels” outside of tumblr, people look at you like you’re an illiterate fuck