Story of my Life

catholicfemininegenius:

Take ordinary water and boil the hell out of it.

using the term ‘yolo’ sarcastically so often that you’re really not sure if you’re joking or not now

spiffyrock21:

OH MY GOD OKAY SO I WAS AT MY FRIEND NICK’S HOUSE AND HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO HIS PARENTS AND HE SAID “mom dad i’m straight…” AND THEY LOOKED SO CONFUSED BUT THEN HE SAID “STRAIGHT UP BISEXUAAAAAALLLLL” AND LEAPED OUT OF THE ROOM I’M NOT JOKING THIS IS HIS IDEA OF COMING OUT I’M GOING TO PISS.

thesilentsleeper:

if you wanna be friends with me all you gotta do is act like you’re already friends with me

call me by my name

send me porn

type like you’re having a mental breakdown

that’s it

onedirectiontomychamberofsecrets:

examples that prove being a fangirl works

• Ginny Weasley
• Kate Middleton
• Peeta Mellark 

imaslytherinbitch:

you know when people on tumblr act genuinely shocked when they find someone who doesn’t read gay fics i sometimes roll my eyes and ignore it but i also sometimes want to punch them them in the fucking face

bex-chan:

you all better still be on tumblr when i’m blogging about my hip replacements and shipping my granddaughter with the nice boy who feeds all my cats 

python56:

hi, table for two?

alright sir if you and your laptop want to follow me

margospiegelmans:

you haven’t felt true anxiety until you’ve tried to tear out a page of your favorite actor from a magazine without using scissors

gradies:

i had good grades at the beginning of the school year but everything changed when the fire nation attacked

pastorbating:

HTML actually stands for

How

The fuck does this work

M

L

thelordofthebutts:

i’d just like to apologize

i don’t know for what but i mean just look at me and my blog and you’re bound to find something that i should be sorry for

snazzy-lemon:

am i the only one who thinks this sounds accusing

like

you posted this

this is your fault

thorhead:

If season three of Sherlock starts up and shows John walking with his cane again I will set fire to the tv and put it out with my tears.

spicegirlsofficial:

“i thought i was already following you!!!!”

angelmojo:

do you ever notice how like, we have our own language for fanfic that only readers understand?

for example

“36k wip destiel hs au on ao3”

obliviateyourface:

tomhiddledong:

innercheeseburger:

tomhiddledong:

the mediocre gatsby

the decent wall of china 

the ok depression

alexander the meager

pantskitton:

spains-a-total-uke:

When I was little, I used to think it was silly that they put the “external use only” label on bottles because no one would want to eat a bottle of aloe vera, but after reading fanfiction, I know who those warnings are meant for

UNTIL I READ THIS I GENUINELY STILL THOUGHT THAT THE PURPOSE OF THOSE LABELS WAS TO STOP PEOPLE EATING THE PRODUCT

theyellowbrickroad:

lets play follow the leader except instead of following the leader just follow my blog

cottonbun:

Shipster [ʃɪpstə(r)] s a person shipping little known/unsupported pairings. Usually spend their time on a lonesome search of artworks and fanfictions containing desired OTP; they can be distinguished by spontaneous gross sobbing, a common reaction to spotting their beloved ship.

alltwerknoplay:

eyebrows are so weird. like why does hair only grow in those two spots? i dunno man

honorized:

Only Ed Sheeran can make a song about a crack whore meaningful and enjoyable.

buttgenie:

have you ever had really mean thoughts and snarky whiny remarks in your head oh my god because in my mind i’m an even bigger asshole than i let everybody think i am

stunningbieber:

i never unfollow my friends so you should start being my friend so you win an immunity pass and you are protected for life

remember that time when sirius accidentally called harry james when they were fighting the death eaters and then he died and i ate all my limbs then set myself on fire

thatsmoderatelyraven:

when i make people laugh thats like my favorite feeling id rather be really ugly and the funniest person ever to exist than pretty and boring

meandmylittlevoices:

Sometimes you just want your OTP to be cute together.

Sometimes you just want your OTP to kiss.

Sometimes you just want your OTP to go through a hard time, but come out of it OK.

And then..

Sometimes you just want your OTP TO FUCK HARD.

dracomafloy:

people actually ship draco/astoria?

youngstero:

walk into your friend’s house and say “what’s up with the dead guy out front?”

(you have to murder a person for this joke to work)

bethmai:

congratulations on reading the book before it was made into a film

you win: nothing

vampire-diaries:

do you ever go to a tag and feel like killing the entire fandom

loldemort:

don’t talk to me if your otp isn’t ron/mcgonagall

believed:

no one ever lets me give them a piggyback ride

they’re just like “i might break you”

no you foolish mortal

i have the strength of a thousand horses

please, place yourself upon my back

tokyodork:

87% of young people have back pain. the other 13% have no computer.

consecratio:

to die by my computer’s side is such a heavenly way to die

if we follow each other i automatically consider you my friend so don’t be surprised if i reply to your posts like i’ve known you for ages

iwritesinsnotfanfiction:

at what age will good things start happening to me 

when you say “so many feels” outside of tumblr, people look at you like you’re an illiterate fuck

fabubbly:

I put the laughter in manslaughter

lolsofunny:

getting zero notes on a post is like speaking up in a large classroom and everyone just staring at you so you slowly sink back in your seat and regret saying anything